Are you ready to date again? We ask Joanne Ng, Business Development Director of Datesmith what you need to know about dating after divorce.
1. How do you know if you’re really ready to date?
There is no hard-and-fast rule to this, it might be easier for some people to get back in the dating scene, while for others; it might take longer. You’re really ready to date when you have recovered from the divorce or the death of your spouse, when you are not seeking the affirmation of someone else, but feel confident and happy in your own skin.
If you do not feel quite ready yet, take a step back and take more time for yourself (but please don’t take 20 years)
2. Why is it important for women to give dating another chance?
Stay positive and never give up! Rather than to simply wait and let things be; open your heart to the possibilities of a new relationship that will complement an already-fulfilling life.
3. What can you expect when re-entering the dating scene after divorce?
Returning to the dating scene is never easy whether you’re bouncing back after a divorce, or recovering from the death of your life partner. You’re probably going to have to meet a lot of new people before you find someone you really like. If you have a busy work schedule or have children at home to take care of, then you will have to make dating efficient. You can give yourself some peace of mind when you engage a bespoke dating service like Datesmith who will do all the ground work for you.
4. What are some of the common dating fears women face after divorce and how would you deal with them?
Rejection – it is not easy for anyone to take. Unfortunately you might have to go through a couple of wrong people to get to the right one.
Trust – women find it difficult to trust again especially after going through a traumatic experience of losing their life partner either through a divorce or death. Again, no relationships are exactly the same, so treat your new partner fairly and never compare him to your ex.
Children – many women put off dating because of their responsibly of taking care of kids. The rule of thumb here is to balance your time and responsibilities wisely.
Don’t be afraid to flirt a little! Don’t get into the mindset that men will come to you, instead take the initiative and be a bit flirtatious. You don’t have to go overboard though.
5. Would you recommend women to date the old fashion way or go online? Why?
Although there is no one-size fits all formula as each person’s relationship goals may be different, I would recommend that they date the old fashion way. Online dating is time consuming and can be very exhausting; it may not be the right place to meet someone for a long-term relationship.
When you date someone the old fashion way, you already have an idea of what to expect. There are a lot of things you can observe that will tell you about your date, like what they wear, what they do, and how they interact with others. Let’s not forget how they interact with you, those small conversations or greetings go a long way on your first date.
6. Has dating rules changed for divorcees?
A divorce can really leave a bad taste in your mouth and bad experiences in your mind. Don’t go into the dating scene thinking that you’ll have to settle and that all men will end up hurting you. No two men are the same, and there’s bound to be a really good one out there.
7. What’s your advice to those women who are ready to put themselves out there?
Not everyone follow the same specific path when it comes to dating again, try not to hold to anyone’s standards for grieving and moving on. It’s likely that you have a pretty hectic schedule especially if you may have a child or two to take care of in combination with your job and any other routine activities that you may have. So when you do decide to get back into the dating scene, be sure to remember to balance your responsibilities.
8. How do you explain to your kids that you’re dating other people?
When a parent enters into a new relationship, make it a priority to talk in advance to your new partner about how you will ensure your children will be priority in your new life. It is also best to try to limit your children’s exposure to a new partner until the relationship is serious and fairly promising.
Before telling your children about the new person in your life, you need to determine when and what you tell them. Be patient, straightforward and be prepared to offer your children some detail on what changes will happen and how it is going to affect their lives. Children can become overwhelmed and confused, it is important to also hear your children’s toughts and concerns and give them a chance to ask question or get clarification on certain issues.